Granted, I probably shouldn’t have been on the phone while I was pulling in to the ferry. In my defense, I had just listened to a podcast with Jake Tapper in which he shared that his father was a Jewish pediatrician, as is my father, and his mother was a non-Jewish Canadian, as is my mother.

I had called my aunt to tell her all about my planned friendship with the anchorman, and she casually mentioned that she had dated him in the '90s. What a small world.

The ferry attendant probably had no idea what critical matters we were discussing when he callously screamed “Get off your phone and pull forward.”

It was a pretty glum ferry ride after that. I don’t even care to meet Jake Tapper anymore.

Jack Morningstar

Aquinnah and Los Angeles