In Tisbury town on Church street,
the traffic all was stuck
So those who’d gone on shopping sprees
were clearly out of luck.
They grumped and groaned and left their cars,
And some among them longed for bars
Though they could find right many a snack,
To soothe frayed tempers, but — alack —
There was no wine or beer for sale,
Only soft drinks like ginger ale.
Since by one vote the town decreed
It did not want — it did not need
Drinks alcoholic in the town
That for sobriety is renowned.
So seething shoppers paced Main street,
And some got blisters on their feet
As they paced up and down — oh my
Too frustrated to stop and buy
Gifts for their family and friends,
And wondered why on roads and bends
The traffic was so very stuck.
It seemed something had gone amok.
I ndeed it had, for Santa Claus
With his reindeer had scoffed the laws
That limit parking to two hours —
(If more than that, then Chief Cashin glowers).
St. Nick had really been blase
And told his deer to stop the sleigh
On Church street there at just midway
’Twixt Main and Williams, so they’d dropped
Out of the sky right then and there
With a great swish through the morning air.
And all their bells were soon a-jingling
And local folks were out there, mingling
With Donner, Blitzen and the rest,
Patting their noses with great zest.
They stopped the traffic — woe is me —
It really was a sight to see.
Till the deer decided to leave the sleigh
In the Beadniks lot and be off and away
To a grassy spot where they could play
While Nick gave out his presents galore.
T his year, it seemed, there were even more
Than in sunnier years when money is freer
And all is well with the high financiers.
He’d wanted to land at the Bunch of Grapes
To show that it’s open again in good shape.
And for its new owner whose name is Braasch, Dawn
He’d a first edition of The Marble Faun
And building materials for the full-fledged store
Which will be in the spring where it was before.
Then for Ann Nelson, that feisty dame,
Who gave the bookstore its national fame,
There were treats for her cats, so grand they are
While Mary Jane Pease got some caviar.
Then Bobby Dias got a new pickup truck
And Eleanor Pearlson bushels of luck.
There was some of that, too, for Evelyn O’Brien
Who never, ever does stop smilin’.
For Polly Murphy there was ice cream
Coffee heathbar crunch is her favorite, it seems.
F or Zada Clarke there was a shed
While Gretchen Jacobs got a hat, red
Since that is a color she likes so much
And then there was for Teri Praskach
A lifetime supply of Metromix
So that she never will have to fix
Her pretty garden that brightens the day
For many of those down Cove House way.
There was a sponge for Hans von Steiger
(Admittedly it means lots of labor)
But with it in hand he should make Ocean Park
A pleasanter place for walks after dark.
There was a poinsettia for Helen Brown
And for Stella Napior a fancy gown.
Craig McKenzie got candy canes
For all the driving he does in dirt lanes.
Then David Finkelstein got eye shades
For sunny beach days, while more parades
Were promised Ted Morgan by Santa Claus.
For A’Bell Washburn were more gifts to PAWS.
Peter Wells got more sand for his sandbox sand
That he gives to youngsters which is so grand.
F or Polly Brown was an eight-pound blue.
She knows about fish a thing or two.
There were new hockey skates for Capt. Mark Young
And for Cisi Flynn a beetlebung
To have in her own Lagoon backyard
While Madeleine Tully got some Swiss chard
To grow in her garden and to make thrive.
And for Steve Tully there were some chives.
Bob Caldwell got a cashmere sweater —
Cozy and warm, what could be better?
For Nancy Whipple there was yeast for her bread,
Which is the best just everyone’s said.
Ann Burt, at last, got a TV cable
And Kristen Buck a brand new table.
There were Portuguese tiles for Kevin Hatt —
He lays them so well they’re like a mat.
Penn Kimball got more books to read
While Anna Alley got grass seed.
F or John Balboni was a hearty red wine
He really enjoys one when he dines.
And Diane Nolan got a marathon win
(If she had not, ’twould have been a sin.)
While Jimmy Alley got a new car
And Anne Lesnikowski some arctic char.
For Elizabeth Sandland there were spa days
In the Caribbean so she could laze.
Then David Steere got a new ditch digger.
There were Patti Linn truffles for Dick Fligor.
Sophie Churchill got wool for knitting;
She never did like to be just sitting.
Then for Mike Wallo was a rare book
And a bouquet of flowers for that Hurd, Took.
Then Greyson Bowker got a new Coach bag
And Alan Reekie a Scottish flag.
For Fossil Fred Hotchkiss were starfish galore
And horseshoe crabs which he likes even more.
Then Paul Pickard got exotic spice
For his gourmet cooking which is so nice.
A nd Ted Meinelt had a host of good wishes
From his long-ago students while cookies delicious
For Luther Madison of Aquinnah fame
Were in Santa’s pack and more of the same
For Peggy Freydberg who’s 100 now
And to whom St. Nick made a special bow
From his perch on his sleigh; he
said he wished she were there.
Then he pulled from his sack a stuffed baby bear
As a gift for Jean Flanders who is so sweet.
And then Bob Pachico got thanks for his meat
From Island-wide friends who so like to eat.
Jim Aspagito got a trip to Bangkok
And for Jim Powell there was a new flock
Of sheep for his meadows to keep them trim;
Then Mari Harmon so she’ll stay slim
Got an indoor pool that will make her happy
While for Edo Potter who lives on Chappy
Were accolades for all her good work,
She never has known how to shirk,
Then John Daryen got cutting board wood —
He cuts a board the way one should.
For the Jay Bodmars was a welcome mat
For their new house and that was that.
For Vinny Iacono was a rubber dirt bike
That bounces off trees — it’s quite a sight.
For Nancy Delaney there was mistletoe
And new dog leashes for Smith, Joe.
While Mike McCormick got good walking shoes
For parading in, while there was a cruise
For Selena Roman, and sugarplums
For Kayla deBettencourt and her chums.
T hen Harvey Everett got a candy cane
And for Ann Wallace was a trip to Maine.
Chuck Hodgkinson got a Red Sox cap
And Dana Gaines — that kayaking chap
Good days for kayaking on Katama Bay
And exotic journeys for the Kellmans, Ray.
Dr. Bob Franklin got a lottery win
Which surely will be very pleasing to him.
While John T. Hughes got fine golfing days
Since golf with him is truly a craze
And Bette Carroll got holly and ivy;
They’re really gifts that are quite jivey.
For Debbie Raymond, there were visits to Cayden.
And music recitals for Michael Haydn.
Eulalie Regan got Jamaican coffee
And for her Peter there was toffee.
Then for Riley Deeble was a ferry pass
And there was another for that lass
Barbara Cotterill to see her family
While there was for that Kass, Amalie
A Wellesley banner for her to wave.
And for Basil Welch with no more graves
To take care of in the year ahead
Sheaves of paper to write on instead
Since he likes to write letters and poems and such
A gift of paper was not too much.
Then Cathlin Baker and her crew
Who are to the Island somewhat new
Got candy canes and chocolate candy
Which for Hardy was really dandy.
W hile for Phronzie Conlin there were roses, red
And good fishing in Florida for Mayhew, Ted.
June Manning got a new e-mail address
That her friends can use without duress.
Then Joseph Moujabber got a mobile home
In which he can all over roam.
Everett Poole got a motor, at last
For his convertible that has such class
And Prudy Whiting got more Isla Jane time —
Time that she finds so very sublime.
And for Jim Reston box office wows
For the film Frost-Nixon he should take bows.
While Allan Keith got a yellow rail
And for Isaac Russell there was a sail
In Bluebeard, the boat that he likes so
When on Tisbury Great Pond there’s a good blow.
Then for Ted Hoagland was a Zambia trip
To write about and for Harrington, Flip
Were more rare birds for him to sight
In faraway places or Menemsha Bight.
Then Amy Brown got a brand new horn
For her motorized scooter so she can warn
That she’s on her way about Edgartown
Where she’s a resident of renown.
Then Mark DiOrio got a visit to Rome
With all his crew who like to roam
About in Italy, it’s such fun,
While Bill McGurty who likes to run
Got winged running shoes so away he’ll go
Through wind and rain and even snow.
A nd Ed Lee Oliver got a map
Since he is such a traveling chap
To help him on his many journeys.
There were holly trees for the Tim Guineys.
And for the Jim Coynes was a welcome mat,
While Yvette Eastman for her new cat
Got catnip aplenty from Henshaw, Kristie
And then there were for Manter, Missy
Wings for her shoes when she goes on a run
Which she often does — she finds it such fun.
For Katharine Tweed there were books to read
While Suzanne Trotta got dog feed.
The day was passing and St. Nick’s deer
Had eaten their fill of the grass far and near
On Church street lawns, so back they flew
To see if St. Nick with his task was through.
He looked in his sack and ’twas all emptied out
So off he then was with a joyous shout
Of Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night
As he flew through the sky and was soon out of sight.